These are my answers to frequently asked dating questions. You may feel free to disagree with me....
1] Do I have to feel sparks? No. Sparks are for birthday cakes and notes on books you don't want to read. You need to feel attracted.
2] How attracted? Impossible to quantify attraction. But it doesn't have to be intense. Attraction DEVELOPS over time and AFTER MARRIAGE when the real "show" begins. Dating is artificial [althoughs dates are natural. The fruit that is].
3] She is pretty but I want gorgeous? Join the crowd. Most boys do. But gorgeous women get divorced daily [go to Hollywood. Or better - don't..]. Beauty can't sustain a marriage. As long as she is nice to look at that is enough. MOST girls are nice to look at if you have an ayin tova. It is better not to look. The "shmiras ainayim" thing. But for marriage it is required. A woman's [and man's] physical attraction develops as one gets to know the person better. A beautiful girl become ugly when she acts ugly. Look more at her character than her hair. Try to be less superficial. I am a guy too. I have noticed that my superficiality is as natural to me as scratching an itch. I wage a daily battle against that superficiality and hope I am winning. Join me.
4] When I am not with her I don't feel like I miss her? Not the end of the world. Do you enjoy yourself when you are with her? Great. When you are not with her your mind is on other things. IF you do think about her when you are not together that is a better sign.
5] I LOVE spending time with him. Is that enough? No. Make sure you can list concrete qualities that he has that make him worthy of being your husband. In the meantime you are possibly just enjoying the attention.
6] Her parents are divorced. Should that bother me? Yes. You should empathize with her. But she can still be marriage material. It is worthwhile discussing how she wants her house to look and what she learned from her parents failed marriage. Many wonderful marriages emerge from children of divorced parents. But one should make sure that patterns witnessed as a child should not be repeated.
7] He wasn't shomer negiyah in high school. Should that bother me? Only if he didn't do teshuva. If he did teshuva you know that he is normal. It is not normal to be shomer negiya. It is HOLY. Not every high school kid is holy - yet.
8] He doesn't read your blog. Is that a problem? I can't answer that question. I am biased:-)!!
9] I have more questions? I have to go to shul - sorry. Email or call me:-).
1] Do I have to feel sparks? No. Sparks are for birthday cakes and notes on books you don't want to read. You need to feel attracted.
2] How attracted? Impossible to quantify attraction. But it doesn't have to be intense. Attraction DEVELOPS over time and AFTER MARRIAGE when the real "show" begins. Dating is artificial [althoughs dates are natural. The fruit that is].
3] She is pretty but I want gorgeous? Join the crowd. Most boys do. But gorgeous women get divorced daily [go to Hollywood. Or better - don't..]. Beauty can't sustain a marriage. As long as she is nice to look at that is enough. MOST girls are nice to look at if you have an ayin tova. It is better not to look. The "shmiras ainayim" thing. But for marriage it is required. A woman's [and man's] physical attraction develops as one gets to know the person better. A beautiful girl become ugly when she acts ugly. Look more at her character than her hair. Try to be less superficial. I am a guy too. I have noticed that my superficiality is as natural to me as scratching an itch. I wage a daily battle against that superficiality and hope I am winning. Join me.
4] When I am not with her I don't feel like I miss her? Not the end of the world. Do you enjoy yourself when you are with her? Great. When you are not with her your mind is on other things. IF you do think about her when you are not together that is a better sign.
5] I LOVE spending time with him. Is that enough? No. Make sure you can list concrete qualities that he has that make him worthy of being your husband. In the meantime you are possibly just enjoying the attention.
6] Her parents are divorced. Should that bother me? Yes. You should empathize with her. But she can still be marriage material. It is worthwhile discussing how she wants her house to look and what she learned from her parents failed marriage. Many wonderful marriages emerge from children of divorced parents. But one should make sure that patterns witnessed as a child should not be repeated.
7] He wasn't shomer negiyah in high school. Should that bother me? Only if he didn't do teshuva. If he did teshuva you know that he is normal. It is not normal to be shomer negiya. It is HOLY. Not every high school kid is holy - yet.
8] He doesn't read your blog. Is that a problem? I can't answer that question. I am biased:-)!!
9] I have more questions? I have to go to shul - sorry. Email or call me:-).
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